News: My thoughts are clouds I cannot fathom into pastries.

--1 June 2018--

Quote: Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest of hearts. --Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

The Fellowship

October 19, 2010

Trillium's Mist

I've heard some mumbling about wanting to hear a bit of "Trillium's Mist", so I figured I'll go ahead and post a wee bit. This is an excerpt from a scene from the first chapter :P It's unedited, so what you see is what came off my finger tips when I began this whole thing :) Enjoy! And if you have any feedback, please comment about it because I'd love to hear!



The door stood staring at me like some menacing giant. I have to go through there, I thought to myself. Hoisting my J22 cyber sniper onto my shoulder, I carefully reached for the door and tested the handle. Locked. I would have pelted the door with B15 acid pellets, but that would make far too much noise.

Glancing down at my Sol-Trak boots, I grimaced and heaved my right foot against the metal. Crunch.

"Can you break through?" Lioli's voice crackled through my earbuds.

"I think so." I whispered back.

"You'd better."

Of course I'd better! If I didn't get through the door I wouldn't be able to complete the rest of the quest. And if I didn't complete the rest of the quest, I wouldn't get to move off the base. Resuming my focus, I kicked the door again, this time feeling a satisfying snap as the door buckled under the weight of the boots. Two more kicks and I was through.

This next room is dark, like a spider's den. I hate spiders. I duck low under a beam of solid wood and slink along the floor like a cat.


That sound...I crane my neck around what I think is a corner. Ahead is a network of ugly red lazers. Not your worst, Zira. I creep forward to examine the rest of the room. Looking up at the ceiling I groan. Eight inch spikes point downwards. Knowing Zira, they'll be as sharp as razors.

Okay, so I can't disable my Sol-Trak's. I sit down on the cool floor and pause for a moment. At least we aren't timed on this quest, but I'm certain Zira will watch who gets through fastest with least casualties. I think it's time to call in for some aid.

"Lioli." I whisper into the darkness, "I'm in a jiffy. Zira's laced the place with red lasers and spikes. Any suggestions?"

It seems as though I've waited forever when Lioli get's back to me,

"Lasers and spikes eh? Well, the best thing I can suggest is to observe the angles and heights of the lasers. See if you can walk through by manuvering your way over and under the field. It'll be slow going."


I move forward, careful not to set off the motion monitors. The laser field seems to go on for eternity. Oh well, I'll just think of this as the toughest gym class in my life. I sling my J22 sniper off my shoulder and strap it onto my back. Then I remember the acra dust that Lioli gave me before I entered the maze. After ruffling through my pant pockets, I find it next to the dynamite. I hold up the precious bit of powder and promise myself I'll only use it to get through the field if I'm going fall.

With acra dust in hand, I approach the first beam. The soft sizzlling sound of the lasers tickle my ears, as usual. It's only about a foot high, so I carefully step over with my right leg and then haul my left leg after.

It took me twenty minutes to get most of the way across the laser field. I can see the end now, it's pitch black. Since I had little trouble getting through the beams, I decide to save my acra dust for later. Perhaps there are more lasers ahead.

I manuever my way across the rest of the field and collapse at the end. My legs ache, my back aches, my feet hurt.

"How're you doing?"

Lioli again. At least she checked in at the right time.

"I just got over the laser field."

"Good, keep moving. According to the tracker screen, if you keep moving at a good pace you'll be first to finish."

My heart pounds in my chest and I quietly get to my feet.

"Okay, see you at the finish."

I move forward, taking a moment to adjust to the darkness.

Dim lights begin to glow from the walls on both sides. They arch upwards to the ceiling. I stare at these for a few seconds and then it hits me, flame throwers! I hastily grab my bag of acra powder and run into the fleeing darkness. I can now hear the first set of flame throwers roar to life. The heat from the flames falls upon my back in waves, but I keep pressing on. My legs really ache now. Another set of flame throwers begin to glow ahead. I'm sprinting like mad to make it through before they release their fury.

I manage to get through just as the flames begin to descend to the floor in a sheet. Oh no, please no! Another set of flame throwers is ahead and the fire is already beginning to descend. I can't make it in time.

So now I'm trapped between two flaming geysers.

"Lioli, what do I do? I'm trapped!"

My earbuds aren't working right, Lioli's voice comes in all crackly now,

"Use the--okay?"

"Use the what?" I shout in frustration. The voice monitors won't be able to pick up my tone with the fire geysers roaring.

"The fla--"

I feel a burning sensation in my ears, what on Kiovi?

Plucking out my earbuds, I realize in frustration that they've melted. Great. I shove them into my pocket and try to decipher what Lioli was trying to tell me. The fla...the flame cape! I hastily dig through my supplies and pull out the white flame cape. After securing it into position, I say a quick prayer and close my eyes as I run through flames. The heat is so intense, I don't think I can describe it. It literally made me feel like I was burning from the inside out.

I roll to the ground as I get through the flames and rip off the cape. It's a smouldering bit of nothing now; I can't believe I'm unharmed. Realizing that I can't stop or I might make another mistake, I run forward away from the wall of flame. Blissful blackness presents itself in front of me. I rush into it, putting as much distance between my body and the fire as possible. To my utmost excitement, the finish line is just ahead. I can see the doorway out of this maze; a soft glowing light flows from the cracks around the door. Just as I'm about to finish, I feel the land slip away from beneath my feet. Twisting over, I claw at the ground and manage to get a grip on the impossibly smooth floor. As I pull myself back to safety, I realize that I just about fell over into a chasm. I don't bother to look at the bottom, I know I'll only find more of Zira's spikes.

Frustrated, I search through my pack for rope or grappling hooks, but I find none. Great...just great. I observe the distance between my edge and the other edge. It's just too far...wait! I look up at the ceiling and see no spikes. I've got a plan. I take several steps away from the edge and check the disabling device on my Sol-Trak; it looks fine. I'd better check it before I jump. So I pull the pin and feel myself suddenly lurch towards the ceiling. I snap the pin back in place and suddenly I'm falling. I hit the floor with a hard bang. Hoping that there are no sound monitors here, I cough loudly, expelling the spittle that just slid into my lungs. They work, I thought grimly.

I double check my stuff once more and then take several deep breaths. Before I rethink my decision, I'm running towards the gap. I jump and at the same time pull the pin on my boots. Now I'm flying forward and up. By the time I get to the other side I'm a good twenty feet high. This is going to hurt. I press the pin back into my boots and drop the distance almost instantly. Yanking the pin out, I slow my descent and begin to go back up; now I'm only five feet from the ground. I push the pin in once more and fall to the ground. Victorious, I run to the door and push it open.

The simulated sunlight momentarily blinds me as I enter the main center of the Vortex. Lioli is standing just off to the right with a couple other trainers. I swipe sweat from my forehead and breathe a sigh of relief.


  1. I dig it...I want to know more about this place, and also about that cyber sniper. ;)

  2. That was really good! I found myself being really drawn into the story. I like it. =)

  3. I agree with Izori, I was really drawn into this one.

    Good job!!

  4. Only three replies?! :O

    Squeaks, I applaud your writerly expertise--in short, this was an amazing excerpt. Dialogue? Flows smoothly and is as natural as a fish in sea. Description is just the right amount--action? Well done!

    I voraciously await another excellent excerpt, Squeaks. Bravo and encore! :D

    Also, I noticed that you used first person present. Excellent job on that one as well!

    I have read (or read and excerpt) of two novels that sound like this one: Steve Rzasa's books (Face of the Deep) and the book "A Star Curiously Singing" (not entirely sure that's the title, lol). ASCS especially is like this one: it uses first person present as well. :)

    With that, I eagerly await more.

  5. I want a cyber sniper... :D And I like that - I hate spiders lol! :)


Related Posts with Thumbnails