News: My thoughts are clouds I cannot fathom into pastries.

--1 June 2018--

Quote: Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest of hearts. --Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

The Fellowship

April 25, 2012

I Am Alive (I Think)

Good day, reader. My name, or such as you shall call me henceforth, is Squeaks. I'm terribly sorry to be such a stranger in your life. You see, I fear I have utterly neglected this blog -- I shan't be disappointed if you have all forgotten who I am.

What have I been up to lately? Well, I've finished the last of my university exams (huzzah) and am now fervently praying I will pass all of my courses with good grades. I still have 2 more years of this drab left, but for now I can look forward to 4 beautiful months of summer. I intend to do plenty of reading; however, I can't say nearly so much for writing.

Shall I discuss my turbulent feelings concerning writing with my readers? Ah, let it be so.

I seem to have lost my desire to write. Was that an audible gasp? Well, nevertheless -- I've heard it said that once a writer, always a writer. I hope this is the case. Even now, I cringe as I pen these sentences: my grammar has taken a terrible hit, my choice of words no longer portrays my true heartfelt intentions, and altogether the flow of my prose is poor. I despise my writing (perhaps that word was rather strong, but it does convey the emotion).

I wrote an English essay a month ago on the significance of Christ-like characters in several Victorian novels. While I did manage to get a B on the paper (and my adopted grandma proceeded to tell me that was quite grand for a fourth year university English course) I still felt as though I'd done a terrible job. Well, perhaps not so terrible as it was unsatisfactory. Had I not been bogged down with the thousand other assignments due, I believe I could have written a far more successful paper.

All thoughts of formal writing aside, I still feel as though I won't be able to write any good prose for a long while. Foremost on my mind is the fact that I simply have a poor knack for conversation interchange. Back-and-forth banter between characters has always played out perfectly in my mind, but to transfer that to paper is to script horror. The comments simply do not flow the way I want them to flow.

I currently feel as though I am Jane Eyre bickering with some sort of Rochester/St John/Darcy - esque figure.

This shall be all for now. I will return later. I feel a calling to some sort of movie...or perhaps another book. Yes, maybe a book -- I'm quite ravishingly hungry for literature...perferrably fiction or fantasy :P

God bless, dear readers!

Signed with musical notes & a plethora of squashed leaves,



  1. Hurrah! Squeaks is BACK!! *tosses home-made confetti in the air, sets off a gun, and lets loose a huzzah*

    Glad to see you back, and looking forward to more posts!

    As for writing, well, I can say just the opposite. Writing is a large part of my life now, perhaps because I made it so. :)

    (And note...there's something of a writer's pep talk below. I honestly didn't mean to start preaching in the middle of a comment, but it sort of wrote itself. XD Watch out!)

    Let me ask you a question: do you still have all of the words you had back when you felt the creative burn of writing?

    It's rhetorical. Yes, you do!

    Do you have the same God?

    Yes, you do!

    Do you have something to say?

    Maybe that's the question you need to answer. The story gets written when the story burns a hole in your heart, and will continue to do so until you write it. Let Him plant that story there: don't try to force it.

    Glory in the words that He has given you. Language has POWER. Words have power.

    The end of the Gospel of John is one of my favorite verses. It goes something along the lines of this: Jesus did many other things, and I suppose if they were written down, the whole world would not be able to hold the books that would be written.

    Thing is, you and me and other Christian writers, we're writing those books. Jesus is continuing to work, and our words, that He has given us, are included in those books that are being written. He's at work, not only in the world, but in our writing.

    Find the story worth telling. Find the story worth reading.

    And write it.

    God bless, Squeaks. :) Writers for the win!

  2. Oh Jake, you are purely amazing! Thank you so much! This is a wonderful, wonderful comment! In fact, I saved it onto my journal on my computer :P

    That last statement you made, with regards to how Jesus did many other things but if they were all to be recorded, the world would not be able to hold all the books that would be written, that really struck something inside of me.

    You're entirely correct. I still have all the words that I originally had when I desired to write. I still have the same God. Neither of those shall change. Perhaps I have more experience now in the world to dictate the literature that God plants in my heart.

    The problem, I think, is the fact that I don't feel that desire to write :/ I still get a thrill out of reading other literature written by individuals who have mastered these powerful characters. That says something in and of itself. Maybe I need to stop waiting for that desire to return and just sit down and write. About what though? :| I just don't have anything pressed on my heart.

    Normally, when I wished to tell a tale to the world, I would get this excitement and burning in my being to get it all down, no matter how awful it sounded (because I knew I could always go back later and fix it). I don't get that anymore -- well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, I do sometimes...but it always dissipates by the time I find my fingers touching the keyboard.

    I've tried writing on paper as well...never turned out good :/

    Ah. I just gotta stop being lazy and sit down and write. Pray before I do and then just DO IT.

    I won't try to force it (I do that way too often :/).

    Thanks so much, Jake of Sadaar :) Your words are like the balm of Gilead :P I'll definitely pray about writing. Thank you for your encouragement :)

  3. Glad to be of service!

    I think the best remedy to not writing would be to write. No matter what it is. Judging by your more recent posts, you've been doing that! :D

    And if you don't feel like writing, well, we all feel that way. As for knowing that we should write, we feel that way too.

    But here's my advice, and something I do often: don't just pray about writing. Surrender it to Him. It's His. As Christians, everything we do should be for Him and the advancement of His kingdom.

    So give it to Him. Because He knows what to do with it so much more than we do.

    And then...write. Because the devil would just love it if we didn't listen to the call and decided to procrastinate instead.

    Shoot me an email if you need to bounce around ideas. ^_^ That's usually how the writing starts out, anyhow.


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