News: My thoughts are clouds I cannot fathom into pastries.

--1 June 2018--

Quote: Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest of hearts. --Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

The Fellowship

August 16, 2017

{A Review} - The Toddler Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Whiny Unfed

Are you guys ready for an amusing review on a book about toddlers? YES?! HERE WE GO CHUMS *maniacal laughing from a childless young adult*

The Toddler Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Whiny Unfed by Mike and Heather Spohr

Toddlers and zombies both communicate mainly through groans, clumsily trail after you everywhere you go (especially into the bathroom in the toddler's case), and--upon entering your life--leave you frazzled, on edge, and deeply sleep deprived. 
The Toddler Survival Guide is a hilarious parody of Max Brooks's The Zombie Survival Guide (and survival guides in general) that will leave parents laughing out loud even as it provides practical advice on how they can make it to the other side of toddlerhood intact. Written by parents who have studied toddlers up-close in their natural habitat, the book will cover survival skills including how you can outfit your home to outlast a toddler occupation (baby gate, cabinet locks, wine), how you can subdue an angry toddler ("Elmo's Song," mac and cheese, smartphone) and even how you can safely venture out in public together without your toddler--or you--bursting into tears. {Goodreads Synopsis}
*Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this ebook from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review*

While I am certainly not a parent (and let's be honest, I tend to shirk away from kids because they're adorable little ninjas and I would enlist a thousand of them as my little minions so I can rule the world -kidding- so let's just like....pretend they don't exist and we can all push the motherly hormones into a galaxy far far away; #singlelife5ever #cringyhipsterninjawannabe), I still quite enjoyed this read. I can't say I learned anything mind-blowing about toddlers from it. However, it did outline several neat little common-sense notes and, if you're a parent approaching that fell land of toddlerdom, methinks it would amuse your tired soul. 

To assure my dear readers that this book was entirely hilarious and informative (to a minimal degree on the latter), I have included several of my favourite quotes below, followed by a list of things I liked/disliked, etc :)

{1} In comparison to babies...
Toddlers, on the other hand, are able to wreak havoc vertically and with velociraptor-like speed.
{2} Tiny artists...
Toddlers are like tiny Banksys who want their work to be seen on the biggest canvas possible, and in your home that canvas is your walls. 
{3} Food negotiation...
Just like you don’t negotiate with terrorists, you don’t negotiate with toddlers. Once you start saying, “One bite of carrots and you can have a cookie,” your toddler has won. The next thing you know, a few months will pass and the rate of business will have slowly bumped up to the point where you’re trading five cookies and a scoop of ice cream for that same, teensy-weensy bite of carrots. 

Unique Features

  • Plenty of humour and multiple references to currently-relevant entertainment (movies, shows, books, etc)
  • Parent testimonials from the present day and (with a bit of imagination) from the 1800s :P 
  • Pictures & art to complement the prosaic snark
  • Toddler tips - that is, tips that are not sarcastic and probably will help you raise a child
    • Feeding tips; dealing with candy, vegetables, and the glorious mess post dinner battle
    • How to keep them clean (good follow-up after meals)
    • Common fears they have and how to nullify them (like fear of baths b/c of drains that might suck them away... I remember this fear when I was isn't a joke)
    • Dealing with screaming toddlers in public situations (stores, restaurants, extended family visits, airplanes, etc).
  • Top 5 places to hide candy (from worst to best) and other amusing lists

Things that didn't jive with me:
  • Mild language and some mature content 
  • Started off treating the concept of a toddler as a thing to be feared, rather than tiny people with feelings and souls; however, it didn't follow that train the whole way, so this was only a slightly bothersome itch rather than a battle wound to the book

Overall, it was an amusing read (and despite the title, had very little reference to the walking dead). I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a must-have for your new-parent shelf, but if you appreciate a little humour and snark and want a refresher to your common-sense detector, then you'll probably enjoy this one!

{Rating} - 4/5 Stars

Thanks for reading folks! More reviews coming soon :) 

Signed with whiteout, 


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